Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Thoughts While Running 3/10/15

Nothing profound to say today, just had some thoughts while running last night that I'd like to get down on virtual paper. It seems that I get all of my best thinking done lately while moving my legs.

As I settled into the rhythm of my run, I fixed my gaze on a leaf outside the window. I thought about the concept that the leaf is no further or closer to me than the very edge of the universe. I could get off the treadmill, walk outside, and pick up that leaf and I would have calculated the time it took me to get to there through my experience. As well, I could climb aboard a spaceship, fly to the edge of existence, and experience the incomprehensible amount of time it takes me to get there. I am fully aware that the laws of physics, space and time govern our world. But we know those laws to be true through our personal experience. I know, I know... it's the old "If a tree falls in the forest" argument. But truly, within that moment, I was aware that distance, time, and everything else we quantify is merely an illusion set forth by our temporal existence. We are merely consciousness moving through a series of holograms made up of light and matter, and on a quantum level, the space that exists between is, in actuality, non-existent. It is simply my experience that creates that space and time. It can certainly be argued that if no life whatsoever existed in the universe, the same laws would still apply. But if not one living thing were present to experience them, would they really exist at all?

Next thought process: Ego can be a useful and necessary tool at times. In most Eastern philosophies we are taught to kill our ego... only by doing so can we truly reveal the free essence of our own spirit. And yet, in a practical sense, we do have to live and work together within this construct that we call reality. And to do so effectively, we must sometimes use our ego at times to navigate the playing field. One can be the most Zen, laid-back, peaceful person on the planet, and yet when push comes to shove, it is our ego we call upon to fight for what is right. Ego, in a healthy sense, serves as a wellspring for confidence, power, and beauty. Used correctly, this can be a welcome tool. It's a slippery slope, of course: Just a hair's breadth too much, and we become self-serving narcissists, assholes, and buffoons. Anyone who has ever purchased a "selfie stick" should probably take a hard look at their lives and put themselves in that category. And yet, too little Ego and we run the risk of being taken advantage of. So where do we find balance? I think that comes in knowing what our role is within this existence: To observe and learn, and to create positivity. Again, I am reaching an even deeper insight than religion would afford... If Buddhist thought leads us to believe that life is simply about learning to let go of attachment, even that ideology seems a bit limiting. I am starting to believe the key is in understanding that we are all simply nodes of experience for the one true God, and we are all learning, receiving, and processing information and uploading it to the one true source at all times. We are all God, experiencing creation in one simultaneous instant. All the pain and horror that adds balance to the beauty and goodness we find merely serves to underline the existence of God's Love for creation. If evil did not exist, Love would also cease. For only through suffering can we fully understand what Love is. When we truly see the beauty that lies within this realization, we come to understand our role here on earth, and who we do and do not want to be while we are here. I know that when I am doing good unto others, am present in the moment, and have let go of fear and want, I am at my happiest. And I know that when I engage in fear, desire, jealousy, and other negative ego-based activities, I feel pretty fucking shitty. So I'm learning, slowly, to do what makes me feel best. To pursue thoughts and activities that put me in clear lines of communication with the Source. When I view Ego as merely another tool within my reality that can be accessed, used, and put away, not unlike a nice sports jacket, I find balance within the world. That very Ego just gave me the will to run an extra thirty minutes because I liked the raw sexual and athletic energy that surged throughout my body, and I knew it to be a healthy thing.

On that point, I'm really glad that I updated my workout playlist. For some reason, Teddy Pendergrass and Donny Hathaway are much more motivating to me these days than the Clash and House of Pain. I'm none of these things: "Young, Gifted, and Black". I wish I were. But that song sure does help me stretch my legs out and get up that last hill.

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